I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
