drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize