she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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