Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
