some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
