508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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