I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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