He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
