You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
