Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Your penis caused this!
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