Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
only you would photoshop your dick
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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