Only a mothe r could love this liver
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
