i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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