Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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