you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
