i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
