I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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