True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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