I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
