I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
