I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
