i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
