my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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