I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
