Someone shit on the floor
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
