was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
