I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize