I must be too annoying 4 u.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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