I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Randomize
