he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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