he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize