the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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