omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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