I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wish you could order shots online.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
