what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize