Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
