do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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