jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
