He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize