There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
