It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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