I am puke
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
