He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
