True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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