She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
