Duck Duck Cougar?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
