Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
