careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
