I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
