So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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