I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
