I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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