Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
