The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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