I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
