shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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