ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
