I feel great
I just peed on a car
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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