Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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