Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
