I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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