guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
