and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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