well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
