Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
