How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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