Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
