Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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