I think i sorta joined a cult last night
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
