I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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