I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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