just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
