By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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