I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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