its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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