I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
