Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize