You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
