Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
