How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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