I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
