It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
