What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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