It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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