my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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