I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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