Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
