Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
