He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
