Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize