Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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