omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
