I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
