If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
