I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
