So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
