Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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