She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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