there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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