even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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