There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You took a bar mat shot.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
