You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
