All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
