Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
