Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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