Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
