Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
