Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
