I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
