I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
