haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
3 2 1 whiskey
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize