You just made me feel so damn special
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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