Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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