Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize