He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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