Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
